Hello beautiful soul, this retrograde has hit lots of people hard. They’ve been putting in massive efforts in their lives and have found the good stuff seemed to stop, and fear came to visit and stayed.
I understand this, and ‘thinking happy thoughts ‘ whilst battling stress, illness and multiple demands can make you really weary, tired and above all fed up. Your team wanted me to share an honest story with you.
So I’m a mum, a wife, a stepmother, a business woman and channel and a clairvoyant, I’m also ‘just me’ and over the years I have had some really rotten apples in the barrell. I have a heart breaking issue in my life that is yet to be resolved, regarding my father, whom I havent seen for seven years, and resolved ‘never, ever to see again’
The story is stark and sad, no he didn’t sexually abuse me (in case you wondered) but there were times when it felt abusive, to me, my children who were already going through the roughest of times. The person that should have supported me when I faced my children being taken from me, by the man who put me in the refuge, actually turned heel and provided the ‘other side’ with ‘evidence’ that was diatribe. My dad, in his defense, believed he was doing ‘the right thing’ and he did this again and again, at the cost of my childrens security, my emotional wellbeing and it could have been our sanity, for this reason though I loved him i sidelined him from my life.
The abusive letters started, and I would be warned by spirit they were coming before they arrived, and they contained character assinations accusing me of being a bigot (my father at the age of 70 is a transgender ‘woman’ ) I am no bigot but could not have his energy around me or my children, I was protecting us, protecting me and my now happy family.
This last retrograde, old fears hit, fears of being rejected by the people I love (the man I love my beautiful husband) fears of losing control over my now precious and happy life, and fears that I wasn’t good enough as I can’t heal everyones problems, yet I feel their pain so clearly. I decided in my wisdom to completely live in the heart, to let go of the fear, and oh my word the anger that god had been laughing at me, stealing my mum from me when i was Just 17 – and then turning my ‘father’ into a badly dressed woman with a penchant for jewish jokes (another reason I could not have him in my life, I hate separatism in any form) – it all ‘hit’ i got sick once, and then again, and then i realised ‘he’s my father, i love him – I don’t want him in my life but I don’t need to fight this any more, I forgive him’
So – despite all those strong fears, that at times spilled over and reduced me to tears, the angels told me that as a truly loving compassionate soul it was time to love myself completely enough to forgive and then let rest, that i didn’t deserve to ‘live with ‘ anothers guilt, that is not my path, mine is and always has been of acceptance and of the heart
You see this picture – well this is how i felt on the inside, and sometimes how i would sit when it felt like those that should love be actively wanted to embarrass and destroy me. Now, I don’t mind admitting I get vulnerable, I get scared, I get heartsick for my mum who I hear but cannot touch, and I get fearful of the future, losing my little boy one day to his heart condition.
But you know what, even though fear is a companion for me, i still get up every morning, i still notice what a beautiful day it is, i still recognise how lucky I am and how far i have come from sitting in a one room cockroach infested place with a dying child and traumatised children, I still am amazed that the angels have chosen me, little old rejected and laughed at me, the ‘one with a face like a horse’ that the men used to say, they chose me to help support and love the people I work with
So i want you to remember this – even if there are parts of your life that you are ashamed of, parts of you that you don’t think ‘fit the bill or are good enough’ even if you think you will never find ‘the one’ or have enough money, even if someday’s you just want to crawl back under your bedclothes and go back to sleep, our soul wanted us to experience the WHOLE SPECTRUM of emotions and situations, so however unfair it is the harshness of your life story is ALSO your Gift to others, it is what helps you to help them and yourself know that, really all is always well
Fear can make you choose not to tackle what you need to, or it can make it feel ‘safer’ not to expand, but I’m telling you it is there to enable you to go further into your path, release what is holding you back, and accept the gifts that wait for you on the other side.
For me, in 3 weeks i meet ‘Cassandra, I’m Dreading it, but I’m doing it. I know i will be judged and likely ridiculed, but I’m doing it any way. I’m also mothering my son every day he has and loving him for who he is, I’m also throwing myself into my wonderful marraige without regrets and yes for me the fear is present in all of these’ – where are you not letting fear run the show? And where would you like to receive the outcomes that fear is making you feel are not meant for you?
Fear is not here to rob you of any outcomes, it’s meant to challenge you so much that you say ‘goddamit im doing it’ and you DO DO IT because you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are you.
I for one, am so proud of every one of you that does feel the fear, but does it anyway
With all my love
Sheelagh and your team